Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Randomize
