Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
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