At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
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