Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
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