Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
Randomize
