Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
Randomize
