I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
I hope this doesn't change things. I feel that me being a minor made it more exciting.
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
Randomize
