Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
Randomize
