A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
how drunk are you?
Several
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
Randomize
