it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
Randomize
