her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
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