I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Randomize
