Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
I wonder if u can grow weed on Framville and sell it to Mafia Wars?
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
Randomize
