apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
