do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
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