did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
Why can't burritos get me drunk
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Randomize
