so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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