Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
