Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
Randomize
