the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Randomize
