he thought i was a dude.
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
Randomize
