Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
Randomize
