If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
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