i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
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