I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
We left the knife in your bed.
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
Randomize
