Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
Randomize
