my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
