Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
I DEMAND FORESKIN
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
