I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
Randomize
