so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
Randomize
