I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Randomize
