I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
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