is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
Randomize
