I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
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