When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
Randomize
