respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
my nose is crying tears of wow.
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
Randomize
