He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
Randomize
