his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
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