I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
Randomize
