i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
Randomize
