sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
Randomize
