Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
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