Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
Randomize
