i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
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