Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
Randomize
