Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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