wat bout pragnant strippers??
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
Randomize
