you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
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