her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
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