Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
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