Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
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